I know I’m not the only one struggling at home right now. Any extrovert is probably struggling more than their counterparts, but everyone is having a hard time, and here’s why: We aren’t getting the critical needs of life.
Remember Maslow?
This will be relevant to those who are not working, are stuck at home, alone, or with roommates they don’t know (like myself). However, this is equally important for those stuck at home and working but with no people and those with people but not working. Whatever category you fall into, you can likely glean something from this post.
Here is a quick refresher on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
Maslow developed a theory stating that every human being had five essential needs. Those needs build off the first ones, so it is generally depicted as a triangle seen below. Needs at the bottom of the triangle must be fulfilled first…not 100%, to be precise. Maslow corrected himself later in life. From bottom to top are physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization
For the most part, we are all still getting the basic physiological needs. While the grocery stores are chaotic, most can still get food, water, warmth, and rest. The following basic need is safety and security. Again, most of us are achieving that basic need. But it’s the next level where humanity is starting to get stuck.
Maslow moves into the psychological arena, which houses belonging/love and esteem. Within these are intimate relationships, friendships, prestige, and a feeling of accomplishment. Many people stuck at their houses are not getting any of those without intentional severe action (which we will get to)
So how do we solve this lack of Love/Belonging?
Below are a few things missing by us not having love and belonging:
1. Friendships
2. Intimacy
3. family
4. Sense of connection
For many of us, it’s easy to check out mentally, binge-watch Netflix, play video games and do nothing of value. This is what we need to fight against during this time. Rather than mentally checking out, we need to engage. I think I’m the poster child for this, as it’s genuinely messing with my head being stuck at home. Therefore, I will recap a few things my family and I are doing to solve this love and belonging need.
Technology is fantastic; use it. Last week, a few of my family members could get on a video call to catch up. You can use Facebook, Skype, Facetime, and Google Hangouts. We’ve even made it more fun by making themed dinners together. This week is a pizza party.
A couple of my siblings also had the chance to spend time together by setting up google hangouts and playing Settlers of Catan. It can be challenging at first, but when you laugh together, you’re reminded how important it is to connect with those relationships.
I will be running later this week with a friend (6 feet apart) as exercise is still allowed in Colorado. We may not talk much, but being around people can lift us. As for those that can’t be in person, try face-timing a workout or yoga session. Again, it’s less about the talking and more about just being “with” someone.
Don’t forget to use that excellent device for phone calls, not just texts. Hearing someone other than your thoughts can lift you more than you realize. If you’re nervous about getting on the phone, list open-ended questions to ask people. I’ve even tried getting all my old high school friends on Facetime together. Be creative.
How Do We Solve Esteem?
Below are a few things missing by us not having esteem during these times:
1. Respect
2. Status
3. Feeling of accomplishment
4. Strength
5. Freedom
These get much more difficult to accomplish because, to an extent, we need others around us. Can we all acknowledge that finding self-respect and self-esteem is more important than finding that from others? I boil all these down to a feeling of accomplishment because I think all these other things can be found in the sense of accomplishment.
We struggle with this during these times because we ARE NOT accomplishing anything! As I said before, it’s so easy to check out and binge-watch Netflix or be unhealthy and eat non-stop. A Side note, for guys and girls addicted to porn (or any addiction for that matter), boredom can be a huge trigger, so plan accordingly with a game plan. How, then, do we solve this lack of esteem that Maslow talks about?
An astronaut on the international space station recently shared how he handles his isolation (link at the end of the post). One of his tips was making a detailed schedule and pacing yourself. When I first started staying at home, most of what I pursued gave me zero sense of accomplishment, strength, or freedom. I eventually made an hourly schedule that included yoga, workouts, reading, puzzles, meals, tv, and even studying things I don’t know yet (for me, that’s air force-related material, but find something you’re interested in). Make sure to include something active, preferably outside. This surprisingly made me feel more accessible and not trapped.
Make sure a few things on your schedule can be accomplished. Books have chapters; puzzles can be segmented by color; building a planter in your backyard is another great example. On the other hand, learning an instrument is great but can take longer, so you won’t necessarily have a sense of accomplishment every day…at least, I don’t. But after a week of practicing, I see myself being able to play something I couldn’t before, which gives me a sense of accomplishment. Test things out and see what works for you.
WORKOUT! This one is huge. I have to keep working out to prepare for the Air Force, but everyone should be doing some workout, whether walking around the block, going for a bike ride, or doing an actual workout routine. Getting active is scientifically proven to be a mood booster, which can set the tone for each day. It’s also been proven to increase self-esteem, self-confidence, calm down ADHD, and more.
The key to this alone time is to be INTENTIONAL with your time and the people in your life. Force yourself to engage with people. And if you don’t have anyone to engage with, message me, and we can set up something. I hope this post gave you some ideas. Let’s turn this negative situation into something good and reconnect with friends and family!
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/21/opinion/scott-kelly-coronavirus-isolation.html